How to Cope With Soul-Crushing Rejection
by Diane O’Connell
At the beginning of my online writing seminars, the students each introduce themselves. On more than one occasion, a student will reveal that he or she is coming to the class after having experienced a devastating rejection. By that I mean, not the standard rejection you get when you send your work out to get published, but the more personal kind that rips apart your writing with no constructive feedback, the kind of rejection that feels as though you are being personally attacked, and leaves you wondering if you were crazy to ever think you could write.
One of my students had entered her manuscript in a contest. As she said, “two of the judges had really helpful critiques, but the 3rd really ripped me to shreds. I’ve been having a hard time writing and revising since, wondering if I even have any talent, if I’m just wasting my time, etc, etc.” My heart goes out this writer. I know exactly how she feels, because I’ve been ther
e.
In my case, the nasty rejection came from a teacher I had revered. I was utterly and completely devastated. I stopped writing. I became completely blocked. The worst part of it all was that I allowed another person to take away from me something that gave me joy. It was only after reading Julia Cameron’s wonderful book, The Artist’s Way, that I healed myself and began writing again.
Here are some ways you can cope with this kind of soul-crushing rejection:
Step away from the emotion. The natural response to getting a nasty rejection is to want to jump out a window, burn the manuscript, cry into a pillow. It’s okay to feel that way, and crying can be cathartic. But before you do anything more drastic, allow your emotions to calm down.
Keep it in perspective. If you look at the quote from the writer above, you’ll see that she got helpful critiques from two judges, but it was the nasty critique that had the greatest impact on her. Don’t shut out the positive or helpful responses or put too much credence in the negative ones.
Ask yourself what else might be going on. Sometimes people are jealous and attack you. Others are looking to make a mark and go about it in the wrong way. Some may have suffered devastating criticism in the past and are really getting back at the person who hurt them. Still others are looking to stroke their own egos by bringing someone else down. And some just want to be Simon Cowell.
Read between the invective to see if the critique has any validity. Easier said than done, I know. But sometimes people get really ticked off over a particular thing and allow their feelings to run away with them. For instance, let’s say your spelling and grammar are not up to par. Well, it could be that your characters are well drawn, your story compelling, your dialog sparkling, but the reader goes ballistic over writing mechanics. So, maybe that’s something you need to work on.
Get back on the horse. Don’t stop writing - not even for a day. Write because you love to write, because you have to write, because writing brings you joy. Don’t ever allow anyone to take that away from you.
| Diane O’Connell Literary ServicesDiane O’Connell is an independent editor with over 25 years’ experience. Her specialty is to work with first-time authors. For more out about her services and her online POV seminars, visit her website at www.docls.com or call (718) 268-9282
“I can state categorically that my first novel would never have been published without Diane.” |
Entries (RSS)
Entries (RSS)
December 8th, 2009 at 10:01 am
Ten thumbs up on this one! I’ve been down that same road, had that same experience. If you love to write, then DO IT! You may or may not get published, but writing, like painting or arts and crafts, can be therapeutic. Humans are at their best when creating, and writing is creating. Good article, great advice.
December 8th, 2009 at 10:20 am
Amen, John.
One thing I’ve learned is that a form rejection is just that.
A note sent with the rejection is pure gold. Often it’s encouragement to do better. At worse, it’s a clue to what your problem may be. Most publisher’s readers won’t bother with a note unless they think the writer is worth the trouble.
Of course, pure meanness in a note may indicate a personal problem the reader is having (got dumped by her boyfriend last night? PMS? Boss on her ass today? Got rushed and missed his coffee this morning?).