How to Get Published

by Jim Gamble

Out of the blue a few weeks ago, the president of a service club I attend asked who had written a book. Hesitantly, five of the hundred business people present raised their hands as if they had done something wrong. He then, in subsequent weeks, asked for book reports. Here’s mine, mainly using a series of quotations:

Edward Gibbon summed up my background saying,

“Un-provided with original learning, uninformed in the habits of thinking, and unskilled in the arts of composition, I resolved to write a book.”

Gene Fowler 1890 -1960, then explained in detail how it’s done,

“Writing is easy. All you do is stare at a blank sheet of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead.”

Having never written a line of fiction (except in loan applications), I needed help. Others in our SFN writers group assisted when I told them what Fred Allen said, “You write so well you make me feel like putting my quill back in my goose.”

All writers should understand there are pitfalls that should be avoided. Samuel Johnson wrote, “Your manuscript is both good and original, but the part that is good is not original and the part that is original is not good.” (more…)

by Kelly Simmons

And now, the answer to the question that stymies me whenever I speak to a group of high-school-age writers: “What should I major in if I want to write novels?”

Major in statistics. You’ll learn the odds of getting published are roughly three zillion to one.

Major in economics. You’ll understand why the publishing companies will never put you on a book tour or run an ad for your book in The New Yorker.

Major in law. You can fight Google and everyone else who wants to offer your book as a free download.

Major in journalism. Your future will appear so tenuous your parents will beg you to be a novelist instead.

Major in history. You’ll unearth enough material that you won’t need to invest in research and travel, which you’ll never make back on your advance.

Major in drama. Being rejected during auditions will make being rejected on paper seem like child’s play.

Major in forensics. When you inevitably end up writing for a hack TV crime show, you won’t have to work too hard.

Major in English. That’s what all the English majors would tell you to do.

Major in computer science. You can invent something with a better name than “vook.”

Major in Spanish. It will help your parents understand your Hemingway-esque desire to run with the bulls.

Major in psychology. Trust me; it’s easier to work through daddy issues on the couch than on the page.

Major in Phys Ed. Most first-time authors are attractive and fit. (Oh, don’t tell me you don’t look at those author photos!)

Major in music. Since you’re going to be singing the blues your entire life, you may as well be in tune.

Kelly is a member/contributor of the Philly Liars Club.

The ‘chick lit’ market is going from strength to strength as more and more young women find that they can relate so uncannily to the characters in these books. These books address concepts that all women will face in some way and at some time in their lives. Whether it be facing the dilemma of balancing motherhood with a career; or whether it is having to make the choice between a sensible life partner that your parents would adore or choosing the rugged, good for nothing man that sends your heart racing! Chick lits are invariably an easy and light-hearted read written in a humorous tone and littered with slang and clichés and modern cultural references that young women can relate to.

A good chick lit read will contain the following key elements:

* A female lead: The main character will be struggling in at least one if not all of the dimensions of her life. These dimensions generally being her career, her love life and her relationships with family and friends.

* A unique style of writing: Often being as a recount of the heroine’s disastrous efforts in love and life, this can sometimes be in a diary format, such as ‘Bridget Jones’ Diary’, which was one of the more successful ‘chick lits’. The style of writing ensures that the book can be picked up, read and enjoyed in short bursts.

* Humour: The book will generally highlight the character’s failings or day to day happenings with a humorous slant.

* Sexual themes: A good chick lit will not shy away from the inclusion of sex and it is often written about in a very frank manner.

* Glamorous setting: These stories are often written around the supposedly glamorous worlds of fashion or media, although more often than not the story reveals that the reality is not quite as the reader would expect.

* Modern references: References to the latest designer shoes or to celebrity lives can often be found in a good chick lit and it adds to the relevance that the reader can find within the story.

* An unexpected twist: Although chick lits are expected to be an easy read, the more successful books always have a quirky outcome or twist that makes finishing the book even more worthwhile.

So if you want to write successful chick lit make sure you incorporate these simple elements.